“It was never going to happen…”
Since that day, these words play out in my mind
when I think of you each and every time.
With tears rolling down your cheeks,
the love you held in your heart for me,
I was finally able to see.
It means more than you know.
Because when things happen,
you guard yourself and prepare for battle.
You’d have to worry about what’s yours
and my own insecurities I would have to tackle.
“Every heart for itself”
That’s what I made myself believe.
But you said:
“No, I’m righting all my wrongs.
Come meet me in the city.”
So we met at a french coffee shop.
Your emotions broke me into tiny pieces
falling like the flakes on my pain au chocolat.
You needed me to know and to feel
that everything that was ever said was real.
That for once, I wasn’t the pawn that I’m used to being.
That I was the lungs in your body that keeps you breathing.
That the book of your life could not be written without me.
That I was capable of being loved absolutely and completely.
Thank you for validating my heart.
Because living a life of self-defense is hard.
But I’ve been hurt a thousand times.
I’ve cried a million cries.
And momentary expressions of longing
is all that wakes me up in the morning.
The problem is that you are there
and I am here.
We have commitments
and I submit to this.
But I can’t help but know that at the end of all our days,
I will always have to look within myself to be okay.