It’s Complicated

Standing with integrity is something that still makes me proud

My father.
Every time he sees me he asks me:
“Are you seeing anybody?”
And my response is always the same:
“It’s complicated”
And so he wants to know why
I tell him:


DAD,
I’m tryna stay on the path that’s straight and narrow.
And truth be told these guys out here are neither
straight … most of ‘em shallow.
See I don’t know exactly what you want from me
But I do know you want me to be happy.
So I’m tryna really be happy
and not run up under just any guy I come across.
Your eyes question me.
I’m confused and I wonder
if you think I’ve forgotten everything that I saw.
You said that if I seek perfection, it’s my loss.
Touché for the cliché
But, I was in the middle of your nasty divorce.
From the moment trust was betrayed
I watched body movements
and nervous hands.
Curses would fly
and on my little ears they’d land.
So when my time comes there will be a lot of making over.
But I am patient with my growth
and in no rush to fall for mistaken lovers.
I’ve watched you my entire life from a distance.
And I’m cautious to love
Out of the fear of falling into a pattern of repetition.
And so, when the nights are lonely
I reach out for someone to hold me.
And it’s just me and the air,
but I speak to it
and tell it to wrap its love around me.
And although there is no one there
I feel its spirit caress my pounding heart
and it settles into a rhythm that’s bearable
I know that it sounds surreal
but the affect it has on me
is nothing short of a miracle.


So, I am okay.
I am a lady with pride
Classy in every way
I’m gonna get mine
And I’m gonna get it so good
So thank you for being kind
But I’m living how I know I should
I have a gift
So sweet, so tender
It’s hidden in the depths of my soul
If anything, help me not to surrender
If I gave in now
I’d be like everyone else
What would make me stand out
If I didn’t stay true to myself?
And respect to everyone living the best way they know how
But I was raised differently
And standing with integrity
Is something that still makes me proud.


So to answer your question again
if I am seeing anyone
I am seeing everyone exactly as they are.
And it is complicated
because some days I am weak
But I can’t turn back now
After making it this far.

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